The matriarch of manners, Emily Post, was amazingly prescient when offering her
views almost a century ago in her book, “Etiquette.”
This quote of hers,
for instance, is perfectly relevant today: "Nothing is less important than which
fork you use. Etiquette is the science of living. It embraces everything. It is
ethics. It is honor.”
Many PR crises are created, or made worse, when
someone in the public eye disregards basic rules of etiquette. If you think that
sounds quaint, look at these examples. Then pass this post along to the
executives or clients who handle press calls, address media conferences, or
speak in front of cameras. (Oh, and warn them to expect that the camera will be
rolling and their microphone will be live—always!)
1. Show
responsibility. Here's a classic way to tell when someone is breaking
this rule: Just listen for sentences missing specific doers, names, or the
active voice. “Mistakes were made.” “Laws were broken.” Well, by whom?
This rule can also get cast aside when apologies veer off track.
Take, for instance,
Paula
Deen’s interview with Matt Lauer on “Today” on June 26. It followed
widespread outrage about insensitive statements she’d made while being deposed
in a lawsuit against her.
This
link has the video and a transcript:
Lauer: “You were asked whether using the N-word in telling a
joke was hurtful. And you said, quote:
‘I don’t know. Most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks,
black folks. I didn’t make up the jokes. They usually target, though, a group. I
can’t, myself, determine what offends another person.’
Lauer: “Do you have any doubt in your mind that
African-Americans are offended by the N-word?”
Deen: “I don’t
know, Matt. I have asked myself that so many times. Because it’s very
distressing for me to go into my kitchen and I hear what these young people are
callin’ each other. It’s very, very distressing. It’s very distressing for me,
because I think that for this problem to be worked on, that these young people
are gonna have to take control and start showin’ respect for each other and not
throwin’ that word at each other. That—it is—it makes my skin crawl.”
Deen evades answering Lauer’s question about whether she knows
if that slur offends African-Americans. Instead, she portrays herself as a
victim. “That word,” she says, causes
her distress. It makes
her skin crawl.
Well, in
her restaurants, she’s the
boss. She sets the tone of the culture within her kitchens. As the boss, she’s
also responsible for dealing with inappropriate behavior if she becomes aware of
it.
Blaming others as part of an apology is never going to sound
responsible, because it’s not.
2. Use tact. This
slip-up happens sometimes when an apology that starts off great spills into
areas it really shouldn’t.
A perfect example arrived in my mail
yesterday. One of our monthly bank statements somehow got mangled in a U.S.
Postal Service machine. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw it had been
resealed in a larger envelope that had an apology on the back for ruining our
mail. I wasn’t expecting that level of service, so I was impressed—until I kept
reading.
The tone of the note changed. It told me what I needed to do to
help the Postal Service do its job. It scolded me to make sure to place in “the
mail stream” materials that aren’t damaged or addressed incorrectly.
Wait a minute! Neither I, nor my bank, had a role in the Postal
Service’s nearly shredding this letter. Why ruin a positive customer service
move by following the apology with a finger wag and a mini-lecture?
3. Express empathy. No, it’s not about you. Especially
so when you’re trying to make amends or show sensitivity.
The worst
violation, in my memory, of this rule was committed by Tony Hayward, former CEO
of the global oil giant BP. He was speaking to the press weeks after the
Deeperwater Horizon oil rig exploded and sank, killing 11 people, and then
almost 5 million gallons of oil gushed into the Gulf of Mexico over the course
of 87 days.
Crisis communicators everywhere have likely memorized these
infamous 17 words of Hayward’s—which, incredibly, he uttered just after
apologizing:
“There’s no one who wants this thing over more than I do. I’d like
my life back.”
4. Be gracious. Instead of a
showing a misstep, this example is an absolute master class in graciousness.
Andy Murray fought valiantly last year to try to become the first
British male champion at Wimbledon since Fred Perry in 1936.
Murray
advanced to the championship match, but he lost to Roger Federer.
If you
missed it a year ago, you’ve got to watch
these remarks he made right after that
match. Keep in mind that he was just 25 years old at the time. He may not have
won the match, but he did win fans.
And in case you also missed the news
this past weekend, Murray was back at the Wimbledon final in 2013, this time
winning more than just fans in his
straight-sets
victory over top-ranked Novak Djokovic for the championship.
5. Show sincerity. Any
mea culpa that
includes, “I’m sorry if you were offended,” is a big neon sign of
insincerity—and everybody, except the person uttering that phrase, knows it.
6. Don’t be late. Many PR blunders would be prevented
or contained if a straightforward correction, explanation, or apology just came
sooner. Kickstarter recently handled
an
instance of this exceptionally well. It’s a case in which, when executed
with the right tone, a swift and direct statement apologizing for a mistake can
actually lead to more credibility and more fans.
7. Be
honest. Stretching the meaning of words to justify something isn’t
clever or creative. It’s lying.
This clip of former President
Bill Clinton insisting what he did (or, as he says here, didn’t do) with
Monica Lewinsky is really worth hours of training in crisis communication for
leaders.
The fallout when the truth comes out, later—and it always
does—is many times more radioactive.
These seven rules are broad, but
keeping them in mind should help PR pros—as well as the clients and leaders they
coach—in countless situations. The consequences of not following them can be
huge.
[RELATED: Ragan's new distance-learning site
houses the most comprehensive video training library for corporate
communicators.]
After all, the way the person in charge
initially handles an issue or event largely determines whether it becomes a
public relations nightmare or just scrolls down the news feed without attracting
scary headlines.
Becky Gaylord worked as a reporter for more than 15
years in Washington, D.C., Cleveland, and Sydney, Australia, before she launched
the consulting practice, Gaylord LLC.
You can read Becky’s blog Framing What
Works.